When morons come a'pagin' or TALK TERROR!

Volume 3 by Brian "balistic" Prince (bprince@nsn.scs.unr.edu)
True (sortof) accounts of stupidity run terrifyingly rampant

TODAYS LESSON: How to toy with the minds of gimps


*BEEP*
Talk request: respond with:
talk loser@lamer.net

talk loser@lamer.net

Me : yeah, you rang? ga

Them : library

Me : uh, a place they keep books. ga

Them : go to library

Me : are you looking for an online card catalog or something? ga

Them : go library.com

Me : uh, go eat.flaming.death

Them : telnet library

Me : you DO realize you're chatting with a human and not a computer. ga

Them : library please

Me : look, you need a library right? ga

Them : y

Me : I assume that means yes. let me connect you (pause between dots) . . . . . . .CONNECTED!

WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY ONLINE
ENTER ALL REQUESTS BELOW

Them : find geophysics

Me : . . . .FOUND 2 matches:

A: Otis, Weadorer
"The geopsychics friend network: what do rocks think?"

B: Spode, Allhayle
"The physics of bowling"

PLEASE SELECT A TITLE

Them : b

Me : I SAID SELECT A

Them : a

Me : ACCESSING (pause between dots) . . . . . ACCESSED!
TYPE "read" TO OPEN FILE

Them : read

Me : CONTENTS OF FILE AS FOLLOWS:

The end.

TO ACCESS ANOTHER FILE TYPE "find"
TO EXIT THE LIBRARY TYPE "goodbye"

Them : goodbye

Me : I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. TRY AGAIN.

Them : goodbye please

Me : WHAT?

Them : exit

Me : COMMAND RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TYPE YOUR ACCOUNT PASSWORD BELOW.
FOR A FASTER EXIT ALSO SEND YOUR PIN, YOUR SSN, AND YOUR CREDIT LIMIT.

Them : gmpsRgr8 a76389148-876 1997643-6754 $500

Me : GOODBYE.

CONNECTION CLOSED: EXITING



Last Modified : Oct. 21st, 1996

Heather Garvey / raven@xnet.com