When morons come a'pagin' or TALK TERROR!
Volume 3 by Brian "balistic" Prince (bprince@nsn.scs.unr.edu)
True (sortof) accounts of stupidity run terrifyingly rampant
TODAYS LESSON: How to toy with the minds of gimps
*BEEP*
Talk request: respond with:
talk loser@lamer.net
talk loser@lamer.net
Me : yeah, you rang? ga
Them : library
Me : uh, a place they keep books. ga
Them : go to library
Me : are you looking for an online card catalog or something? ga
Them : go library.com
Me : uh, go eat.flaming.death
Them : telnet library
Me : you DO realize you're chatting with a human and not a computer. ga
Them : library please
Me : look, you need a library right? ga
Them : y
Me :
WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY ONLINEI assume that means yes. let me connect you (pause between dots) . . . . . . .CONNECTED!
ENTER ALL REQUESTS BELOW
Them : find geophysics
Me :
A: Otis, Weadorer
B: Spode, Allhayle
PLEASE SELECT A TITLE . . . .FOUND 2 matches:
"The geopsychics friend network: what do rocks think?"
"The physics of bowling"
Them : b
Me : I SAID SELECT A
Them : a
Me : ACCESSING (pause between dots) . . . . . ACCESSED!
TYPE "read" TO OPEN FILE
Them : read
Me :
The end.
TO ACCESS ANOTHER FILE TYPE "find"CONTENTS OF FILE AS FOLLOWS:
TO EXIT THE LIBRARY TYPE "goodbye"
Them : goodbye
Me : I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. TRY AGAIN.
Them : goodbye please
Me : WHAT?
Them : exit
Me : COMMAND RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TYPE YOUR ACCOUNT PASSWORD BELOW.
FOR A FASTER EXIT ALSO SEND YOUR PIN, YOUR SSN, AND YOUR CREDIT LIMIT.
Them : gmpsRgr8 a76389148-876 1997643-6754 $500
Me :
CONNECTION CLOSED: EXITINGGOODBYE.
Last Modified : Oct. 21st, 1996
Heather Garvey / raven@xnet.com