Some of our Favourite Things

The following was written by Steve Shipway ( on a.s.r. The following was at the top of the song :
Here is someting knocked up in response to an article on, from someone claiming that setting up his home PC to connect to the internet is needlessly complex.
To the tune of 'My Favourite Things'...

PPP Daemons and protocol routers
TCP/IP and fast system booters
Long network cables like tincans on strings
These are a few of the internet things

Serial modems and null-modem cables
Millions of DIP-switches, all without labels
Flow control, stop bits, software and hard
Wondering why your connection is barred

INN, CNEWS, nntp servers
slurp to collect it (do we really deserve this?)
Route it to demon, cross fingers and pray
This is what happens most every day.

Internal subnets, with bridges and routers
Protocol stacks on dos/windows computers
Flaky net configs that break on a whim
Leaving the packets stuffed into a SIMM

FTP proxies and webfile homepages
Clueless mac users in mad crazy rages
Protocol packets that stop for their tea
Leaving me wondering where the hell they can be.

HTML specs and world wide web rootfiles
POP3, SMTP, DNS bootfiles
MMDF and the sendmail config
Why is the mail spool direct'ry so big?

When the POP dies! When the line drops!
When Im feeling stress...
I simply start playing with my network configs,
And get into a much... worse mess.

I suppose for a.s.r we should add:

Clueless mad lusers who cant find their files
Long pointless printouts that go on for miles
Dodgy DEC diskdrives that walk 'cross the floor
Causing the processes all to dump core

When the lusers ring! When the pager beeps!
And at 3am they call.
I simply remember I'm the BOFH
And rm -r ... them all.

Last Modified : Dec. 4, 1995

Heather Garvey /